The state of my love life is always directly proportional to the amount of Sex and the City I’m watching. And I’ve been watching a hell of a lot of my four old gal pals these days.

You see, I have a knack for attracting men who don’t want the same things I want. Most probably because I have a knack for meeting men in the wrong ways. I’m also great at ignoring the fact that a man isn’t looking for what I’m looking for when I really like him, which leads to me staying longer than I should and trying harder than any sane person would to make it something it’s not meant to be.

What is it I’m looking for? Marriage. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just your basic, peaceful, normal life with someone. And the only men who have expressed interest in marrying me as of late have been taxi drivers. And I’m beat.

Although the local way of finding a spouse does seem like a fantastic idea, I happen to lack the key ingredient for the arranged marriage scenario to work out: family. So I have, up until this point, tried things the old fashioned American way: Meet someone. Get to know them. Feel a connection. Invest time and energy and feelings. Realize that things will never go any further. End up disappointed. Repeat until forever, apparently. It’s just not working out for me, you guys. I just can’t.

I’ve agreed to complete a 30 day commitment challenge with a coworker and with the encouragement of my best friend B, I am going to try to use these next 30 days to focus on myself. I’m going to do lots of praying, a little exercising, and some forgotten reading. I’m hoping a spiritual/physical/intellectual realignment will at the very least help me to remember that I’ll be okay until someone eventually comes along.

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