6 Things You Should Know about True Love — From the Purpose Fairy

I’ve had an ongoing battle with a post about love for some time now. Every time I sit down and give it the time it needs, I end up junking it up with my anger and emotions. I feel like I’ve been lied to about love…like maybe we’re all being lied to about love and that maybe that love in its purest form is rare between a couple. I think the things that we’re taught in the name of love are really just cleverly disguised symptoms of attachment, and considering the temporary nature of life, attachment to another isn’t something we should be longing for or teaching our children about. This idea that someday I’ll find someone to love who will love me in return and then my life will be worthwhile and complete is toxic. It ruins lives. I’ve wasted a good chunk of my life trying to make a man want to be a part of my life, thinking that my life is less real if I’m not giving myself to a man instead of just living while I’m alive. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to redefine love for myself and I want to teach my daughter differently. 

Last week I came across a post on Facebook from one of my favorite writers/bloggers/inspirational people, Luminita Saviuc, that talked about true love. It made me realize that maybe I’m onto something. The words she shared are so much more eloquent than any I could ever write, so I asked her for her permission to share theme here with my readers. After you’ve read them, please take a look at her work on www.purposefairy.com .  She has so much to offer! With sincere thanks to Luminita, I leave you with her words.

6 Things You Should Know about True Love 

We go around looking for love, hoping and wishing to find that ONE person who will make our imperfect life perfect. We fool ourselves into thinking that love can only come from outside of us but rarely from within ourselves.

Love can only be found by love. Love goes where love is. The more love you hold in your heart and the more love you have for yourself, the more love you will be able to attract upon yourself.

Love cannot and will not go to those who have an empty heart. True love comes from within. It starts with you. It comes to you abundantly when there is an abundance of it in your heart. It flows through you and it ends with you.

“Seek not outside yourself, for all your pain comes simply from a futile search for what you want, insisting where it must be found.” ~ from A Course in Miracles

This being said, here are 6 things you should know about true love:

1. Self love is the best way to attract true love
Love yourself with all your heart, for who you are and for who you are not. Be good to yourself and the whole world will be good to you also. If you don’t have love for yourself, you can’t expect to get it from someone else. And even if you get it, it will only be for a little while. It won’t last too long. It doesn’t work that way. Love comes in abundance to those who have it in abundance in their hearts.

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” ~ C.G. Jung

2. True love is not about finding your completeness in another
You are already whole and complete and the more you learn to love and accept yourself the more you will know this to be true. You really don’t need another person to complete you, you only need someone with whom you can share your completeness. True love is not about finding your completeness in another person but rather about sharing your completeness with them fully in order to grow and expand more and more each day.

3. The love of your life is YOU
Why look outside yourself for something that is already with you? True love starts with you. The love of your life is nobody else but you. Within you lies all the love that you need and desire. In you, not outside of you. The love you will receive from outside of yourself will be nothing but a projection of the love that is present within you.

“Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.” ~ Wally Amos

4. True love doesn’t need to be fought over
You often hear people say, “if you really love somebody, you have to fight for that person.” I really don’t think so. If you need to “fight” for someone’s love it means it ain’t worth having. It ain’t the real thing. It ain’t love.

“To fight” and “to love” are two opposite things and you can only have one without the other. You can’t have them both.

5. True love is effortless
True love feels easy. It flows and everything comes natural. Where there is true love, there is no need for control, no need for fixing the other person, no need for criticism, judgement, jealousy, blame or any other toxic behaviors. Love is love and that’s all there is to it.

“True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~ Jason Jordan

6. True love knows no attachment
Love needs to do what love knows best, to love and be loved. Love imposes no demands. Love has no interest in holding on to something or someone. Where there is love there is no attachment and where there is attachment there is no love. These two cannot coexist. 

“The wise are so totally detached, Pain is for those who are attached.” ~ Mohit.K.Misra

This is what true love is all about. Many have heard of it but only a few have really experienced it. Have you? You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below 

P.S. Remember that self love is the best way to find real and long lasting love. The best way to find true love. As you love yourself more and more each day, you will start loving the world around you also and your loving attitude will help you attract the love you so much need and desire  :) xx

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About undertheabaya

I'm an American woman who lives in Saudi Arabia This blog is about my life. You will find that I write much the same as I speak...honest, open and uncensored. I hope you enjoy getting to know about me!
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15 Responses to 6 Things You Should Know about True Love — From the Purpose Fairy

  1. I love this post:) But I have to say I think it can take time before you have established a relationshop with someone, that it can take some time before you know if you’re on the same page and if you function well together.

  2. Debra says:

    “This idea that someday I’ll find someone to love who will love me in return and then my life will be worthwhile and complete is toxic.”
    Absolutely! One must actually do the opposite, find worth and completeness in your own life first. If you’re just trying to fill a void, it’ll never work.
    Thanks for the post. I always enjoy your writing (I know this one is borrowed…it was good, too) You have interesting perspectives.

  3. Risi says:

    I liked this because it emphasizes striving to be a (for lack of a better word) “complete “person yourself rather than relying on someone else to complete you. Then ,when you do fall in love, (hopefully with another like yourself)your relationship will be one of healthy love and companionship. I’ve been with my husband 30 years. We have learned a lot from each other and, of course ,no one is perfect…we’ve made our mistakes but more often we’ve celebrated our joys. I was glad we took time while we were young to do the things and have the experiences we wanted before we got married ( like go to college,travel,etc.) I think it helped our marriage and I hope my daughter does the same. There’s a saying that marriage is one place where two halves don’t make a whole.

  4. j says:

    you say you wasted a good chunk of your life on trying to make a man want to be a part of your life. i dont think you did, but what do you think he feels on this time staying with you? do you think he feels he wasted his time on you? you never really write on that matter and maybe if you did you could feel maybe he has pain inside also. i thought he was a good guy for letting you stay unlike most arabs that will do the situation a little different. like kick you out and remarry. but i dont know the whole story, but im sure you both are suffering and hope the best for the sake of the child. also i thought why not have another kid if you are going to stay and live there? give your daughter a sister or brother.

    • It does feel wasted a lot of the time because it should have ended a long time ago. I guess in reality it’s not a total waste because I’ve had good times, learned a lot of lessons, and I have an amazing kid as a result.
      He’s not a bad person, but he’s not a person I want to be married to any longer. And his feelings toward me are mutual.
      I’m not sure if you have children or have ever been through a divorce or ever had to live in a failed marriage, but having a child is the worst possible idea. To bring a child into a situation where its parents don’t want to be around each other isn’t healthy. I also don’t have any desire to tie myself to him for any longer than necessary.
      Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from STC

  5. Risi says:

    I think maybe it is difficult to talk about ” love” in the midst of a relationship that might be ending. Or at least that ,as our relationships change, we have different perspectives on the concept.

  6. Risi says:

    It’s totally understandable for you to feel jaded at this point. You have been and are still going through a lot and there are things still undecided for you. That would bum anyone out. But since you asked…I think I’ve experienced “true love”. I also disagree on the attachment part. Of course, all this depends on how you define the terms. After three decades, you get kinda “attached” to the guy…..:-)

  7. Risi says:

    Well Happy Valentine’s Day anyway!

  8. Cuppycake. says:

    This is so on point in my life at the moment. I like the small bit you wrote yourself better than the rest, I love love love hearing your perspective on this stuff, you seem so wise. Along with the piece ‘Beauty’, this is one I’ll come back to often and maybe even years later. And someday I look forward to reading your redefinition on love :)

  9. Agnieszka says:

    I’m crying as I’m reading. Thank you

  10. kim says:

    I just wanted to say sorry you have been poisoned by him, there is love and devotion. I know nothing is perfect but there are good relationships out there. I hope one day when your daughter is older you can concentrate on you. Dont get me wrong I am not saying you should be doing anything different right now, I would be taking care my baby and not regetting everyday just like you.

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