Saturday was the wedding anniversary and I didn’t care! It doesn’t sound like a big deal, I know, and I even hesitated on writing this post until I read my post from last year’s anniversary misery and realized how far I’ve come. I was worried that day would always haunt me in some way, and now it will only haunt me as the day I wore shapewear to an un-air conditioned bazaar.
I want everyone who reads my blog to have someone to relate to that if you’re going through something hard, even the end of a marriage, it REALLY DOES get better. I’m living proof.
Last year at this time I was getting my house unpacked and going through all the boxes of things I brought from the States, which set me off on an emotional rollercoaster and I stayed up until 3am pouting and worrying about things that never actually happened. Do you all understand that? I looked back at what I was worried about a year ago and realized that the things I was worried about never happened. If you and I can understand that today and apply it NOW, can you imagine how much time will be saved and how much stress will be avoided?
This is one of those times where I feel like everything is coming together. Maybe not in the way I imagined it, and maybe things aren’t perfect, but I am finally understanding how important it is to live in the now and avoid the destructive habits of what-iffing and worrying.
Right after I first moved here and started this blog I talked about my books and how important they were to me. When things were bad between The Mr and I and I would hear constant reminders about how everything was his, my books were not only my escape, but my only actual possessions, so I clung to them, even to the point of dragging them all not once, but twice, to Saudi Arabia. But after making it through the past couple of months of co-parenting and then the anniversary on Saturday, I think it’s time to let them go.
Not only do I now understand the uselessness of worrying about things that will probably never happen, I also realize that clinging to possessions doesn’t give my life any more substance. Things don’t matter! I’m ready to let go of all of the things that have been weighing me down for these last few years.
If I had to leave tomorrow and live in a new country, I’d like to be able to do it with one suitcase. So I’ve organized a sale to take place in a couple of weeks to help me in minimizing my things and all the memories and emotions attached to them.
If you’d asked me to do this any other time in my life I would have been panicking and horrified and I’d have a camera crew following me around so I could appear on some reality TV show about people who just can’t let go. But look at me now!
Here’s to letting go…of people, of dates, and things.